Sunday, November 06, 2005

Wats cooking !

I remember back in 3rd or 4th grade having made fun of this guy in my class when he went ‘My mom is a good cooker’. I must have hurt him real bad or something because I am sure he cursed me such that the words ‘My mom is a good cook’ (as he stood corrected thereafter) have come to haunt every passing day of my life for the past two and a half years. As I left the comforts of my home I discovered that I didn’t really cover myself in glory when it came down to cooking. I mean leave aside the fact that my mom really kick ass any day anytime anywhere when it comes down to cooking and that I even hung around the kitchen a lot more than my brother (ah ok I will admit it was for grabbing the first hot paranthas off the pan or to lick away the cake mix off the beater or something), the plain fact was that I just couldn’t cook to save my life at that time. I mean back in India I used to look at those cooking shows disdainfully as to how people could make a living just cooking up stuff on TV and then getting to eat it too. I mean what was all that, it was a literal TV telecast of the saying baking your cake and eating it too and well while you are at it please collect your paycheck on your way out too. Also I could never understand why they always would never give out the correct amount of salt to be put in the stuff they prepared on TV always going 'salt as per taste' (or swad anusar as I recall). I mean what was with that, there’s always a right amount of salt that needs to be put in any dish and that is exactly why you have the salt mixed in all dishes served to you at restaurant and nobody gives out salt pouches along with served dishes. Anyways I realized pretty soon that this attitude had not stood me in good stead as I set down to prepare my first meal after coming to States.
So I decided to take it easy with my first outing and went in for a real easy dish on the Indian cuisine – the khichri (for the uninitiated it is a simple steamed mixture of rice and pulses). So while you might think that I should have managed to pull it off without a hitch and set myself on the road to becoming the best cooks ever I just have one special tip. You never ever make khichri with something that physically resembles salt but is quite the opposite chemically and in taste. Well it wasn’t as bad as you are picturing it in your mind, I somehow managed to salvage the dish. Anyways after my baptism by fire I have practiced hard over the past 2 off years at this art (the trick is to always have a taster in place who is not really 'you' :) ) and I have gotten better at it. Unfortunately I realize most of my fellow men are not quite so blessed with that kind of time or manpower to bump away as testers, or even blessed with skills to pick up the tricks of the trade so fast. So I just thought it would be fitting if I ended this post with tricks leant on my journey on how they can recover their food in case they have thrown in an extra ton of salt in it. I know this may sound like a piece of cake too all you females out there but do you realize that there are millions of guys in this world cooking for themselves who go hungry for over 100 reasons (out of which none match the reasons for which ppl in Somalia go hungry and that in itself speaks a lot). Well so back to my master class you can always go for the tried and tested adding another ton of water and telling your room mates that you were extra considerate in preparing curry for them. Another additive that can be used in these scenarios is curd, it is absolutely undetectable in the end result and works like a charm. The third and my favorite technique is to add another ton of chili powder. Any person eating this dish in its eventuality goes numb in the tongue after the first bite itself and even in case he survives the first bite he always drinks tons of water, end result being a relatively appreciative room mate who feel pretty full (so what if it’s just on water).
Bon appetite ppl (pray I can get to the safe comforts of my Mommy’s cooking sometime soon) :(

24 comments:

Anonymous said...
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G Shrivastava said...

Heheh now isn't that stereotyping to assume that all women are good cooks? ;-)

Casablanca said...

And so the Bard of Pennsylvania, concedes his flaws ;)

But I never thought khichdi was easy to cook or tasty to eat. Plain rice with aloo ki sabzi is much easier, I assure you!

(PS: As dumb as it may sound, sugar does help to reduce the effect of salt... when used in moderation of course)

totti said...

touches a cord in me too. when i first came here, i made aloo. People were puking all over the place.Now, i can make things edible,once in a while.
then pennsylvania bard is funny.You know, bard is a short for ba**ard ;) i guess casa would stop calling you baard after she comes to know this?

Casablanca said...

It is???

Oopsie daisy, cant use it anymore now can we... ;)

Jinguchakka said...

You stole my thunder! I was about to post on my expertise (Chennai Chef in Chicago!). As you say, it is easier when cooking is practised continously. Only at the start, it gives nasty results.

Rohan Kumar said...

@geetanjali Not really, I hope you realise that most famous chefs around the world are men and behind ever successful man there is a woman (who's a good cook incidentally) :)

@casa Awww no flaws u have to taste my cooking to beleive it as it stands currently.
Also this sugar idea is fraught with the biggest of risks and I dont endorse any views expressed on this blog by other readers :)

@totti I say give it all up and let Balls do all the cooking, am glad u cleared the Bard issue to everyone

@casa Of course not

@demi goddezz I have been at it for 2 years now and must admit I am getting good at this game now :)

@jinguchakka Hey I have been the one who's been at this for 2 years, ur rigors have just begun mebbe u can do a retrospective post on ur cooking misadventures when u get back to India :)

Swathi Sambhani aka Chimera said...

everyone has to post 'bout cooking sometime or other in the blog world :)
n ppl were alwayz bad cooks before they become OK ones and those who persevered with interest became good cooks (if it is any comforting...)

Susu said...

Actually I realized that cooking is not all that big a deal and doesn't take much time, its just the other stuff like dish washing, cutting vegetables etc... which really bugs me... In any case, I guess the extra chilli strat has been working quite well ON me, balls does that so often at AISLE 5..
BTW.. I usually tend to crib about AOL.. but it sure has taught totti a few good lessons on cooking I guess.. and also balls and totti tend to eat after their kriyas, that leads to less contention for food as soon as its ready:))

Point 5 said...

I always add less salt while cooking....and when its all done, I taste it and add a lil more....saw the Aussies trashing the windies ?

Madame Mahima said...

*chuckle* the 'swad anusar' bit was too good..i used to LOVE watching those shows..which would explain my cooking skills :D

aww man think of it this way..the girl u end up with is gonna be THRILLED that u can hold your own in the kitchen!
(yknow..breakfast in bed and all that jazz ;) )

Rohan Kumar said...

@Swathi I have been at it for over 2 years now and I can hold my own in a kitchen (if I am allowed to say that w/o sounding as if I am blowing my trumpet) :)

@Susu Cooking is never the issue, its cooking something that meets with I the high standards I set for myself as the consumer of that food ;), that chilli strat works everytime btw explains all that praise Balls gets from all quarters. I think that AOL thing gives Totti superhuman powers which makes his tongue and nose go out of order on the days he is cooking :)

@Point Thankfully AVK, Pinky and gang dont have to endure ur cookign and vice versa now that u suffer at ur own hands alone :) (U seriously cant be celebrating thrashing the Windies I mean cmon dont stoop to such low levels plzzz)

@mahi Absolutely another feather in my cap I say, bring on the jazz now I say

@Broken Verses I am surviving now thnx to 2 years of practice (incidentally I cooked for Mommy this time I was home and must say she was impressed with the end result ;) )

Casablanca said...

No update? No new post?
I'm bored....

Rohan Kumar said...

@casablanca I wish my mind could churn up ideas as fast as some other more gifted bloggers but I cant blog for the sake of blogging. Also you arent bored you just need more rest :)

Anonymous said...

i luv watching BBC Food
and i love indian food
how do u guys cook Biryani

anyone?

Prerona said...

done. but i think i overran a bit

:(

also, we had to copy the parts before verbatim, right? no changes?

just a few little things ... like diwali in summer.

Prerona said...

rohan, lol at ur post. listen, if u have too much salt in something, add some potatoes. cut them in biggish pieces (more surface area) and cook the stuff with the aloo added for a while. The aloo will soak in the extra salt. U can then take the pieces (of the aloo) out and cook it later with something or just eat it or whatever u want (vegetable block painting) :)

Casablanca said...

Hmmmmmmm... are you implying that I blog for the sake of blogging??

Rohan Kumar said...

@Koi Pahailee Indian food rocks, I should be the lst person you shoud be asking recipes :), google tarla dalal and biryani for better and safer results ;)

@Prerona Thnx for pointing that out but cant do much abt the changing the text now though.
Thnx for the tips on the cooking bit, in fact I was thinking if I did use potatoes all the way I would rather use them and make aloo curry rather than using them for block printing

@Casablanca No I was hoping you wouldnt take it that ways, I speak only for myself when I use that statement

KM said...

i bet my moms a better cook than ur mom!
lol...that felt good!right back to third grade i went!
khair...my mom is a great cook, and im her dissapointment of a daughter who can only cook eggs!

Rohan Kumar said...

@khizzy that debate can go on forever (waves his tongue) but one thing's for sure my mommy + me will beat ur mom + you, will lose a cooking competetion thnx to ur cooking handicap ;)

KM said...

silly little rohan!
im just bad at cooking...im a whiz at domestic chores along with the preparation process of cooking...its just the ingredients that i muck up with.
so while my mommy adds the ingredients, ill be chopping em!
and u(with ur guys dont belong in the kitchen awkwardness) + ur mommy will so loose!

Rohan Kumar said...

@khizzy I have been at this game practicing cooking for 2 years (survival instinct u see) + I'll raise the challenge my Mom will cook blindfolded with her left hand (cya at the Wagah border if u r up for it) ;)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

You have some nice stuff here.. I am a louzy louzy attempting ot be a cook types....Always fail and always have excess salt..I tried the porin gmore water but didn't quiet work for me..Some one told me tht you can roll in a small ball of "Aata" (wheat flour)...Coll stuff anyways...:)