Friday, July 28, 2006


He stood at the street corner on this bright sunny day, smells of fresh pizza wafting out of the Italian restaurant he stood in front of. He wondered how late his friend would be, but in the hearts of hearts he knew he would be pretty late if his past record was anything to go by. He had himself deliberately come there fifteen minutes but his friend had always managed to out do him again. He would have given him a piece of his mind had it not been such a nice day on this winter morning. He stood there soaking the sun watching people walk by, it had always been one of his favorite past times. He looked at the baby playfully enjoying the bumpy ride of his new sparkly pram, he looked at the girl joyfully clinging to this guy's arm as he was trying to block the visions of spending the whole day at the mall, he looked at the construction worker all jumpy after his dose of caffeine who couldn't wait to get to work and then his gaze stopped at this beautiful angel standing right across the street. She didn't seem in a rush to get anywhere as she stood there staring at him. He suddenly felt all warm and woozy as he tried to hurriedly get his unruly mop into some semblance as he uncomfortably shifted around. As he was looking around he noticed another girl sitting across the glass in the restaurant waving animatedly at him. His mind ran a quick flashback to try and place her but drew a blank. So he shifted his attention to the angel again but was kind of embarrassed to see that she was still staring back at him. He wished she could her shades off so he could read her face any better as he turned his gaze away. He suddenly noticed that the girl inside the restaurant had come out and was walking up to him. Confused he stood over there as she walked over and started speaking something animatedly. If he could somehow HEAR the words she could never SPEAK he might have heard her cursing him for not helping the girl across the road cross the road she could never SEE.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Happy New Year

She looked back at herself in the mirror and at the perfect life the person staring back from it was living. She had the prefect career, loving husband, the cutest daughter in the world and a great life to go with them. She really had no reason to complain, but then she never did anyways. She always used to say that there was no point, and if there was then complaints would be the cure to all evils. She had a great year professionally as a fledgling psychiatrist and she couldn’t wait to get done with her last patient on the last day of the year. She looked at her appointments and the name that stared up from it seemed kind of unfamiliar. New patients were always difficult and one should always wait till the third meeting before getting down to the resolving the issues she recalled. As soon as the clock struck 3 there was a knock on the door as her last patient entered through the door.

Happy New Year, I hope I am not late.
You are early for the former and late for the latter
Well I am sorry I walked in without an appointment
You don’t have an appointment, I am sorry I am supposed to see someone at this time. Maybe you can call up and set up something for the next week.
You mind if I just wait around for a while.
I don’t see the point because I won’t be taking any more patients today.
Consider it a favor, and besides I am sure you can give me a session in case your last patient doesn’t show up.
Well only if you insist.

He was pretty insistent alright. The patient didn’t show up and she had her first ever session with him. He was a very successful businessman who had lost his direction since he had lost his fiancĂ©e and girlfriend for 2 years, about 2 months back. She was also to discover that he didn’t have any reason in the whole wide world why he needed to be visiting a psychiatrist. All he had a deep rooted fear of loneliness and didn’t want to be alone on a day like the New Year’s Eve. So he had just set out from his home and walked around over the streets till he ended up on her doorstep. Of course he didn’t tell her this himself, he was too proud for that. She had realized that right away as he stumbled his way through one lie after another just delaying the session hoping to procrastinate the inevitable fearful of the loneliness that had become his only friend and his worst enemy. However she could see him standing over some invisible ledge and that if she let him know that she was on to his lies it probably would have been the last straw. Whether it was out of pity, sympathy or empathy she didn’t know but she let him stay on that day as they chatted for over an hour not as a patient and doctor but just friends.

She didn’t see him again and this odd meeting resigned itself to some recess of her mind. She went on with her life meeting more people helping them with their problems and mending more lives. She had always considered it as what she was born to do and being a natural listener helped. She had never been short on empathy and that was a natural ally as she treated her patients. But all the sorrow slowly and slowly starting seeping into her life sub consciously as all the doctor patients talks made their way to her home. She began leading an affected life. There were days at a stretch when she felt low or inexplicable reasons an undesirable off-shoot of her empathetic nature probably. Her personal life went through mini-crises as her husband tried to keep persuading her into leaving her job. He felt it was taking a huge toll on her, eating out a piece of her after every patient she met and as she continued to live on harbored emotions. However she couldn’t even imagine such a world.

It was exactly a year later but right on New Year’s Eve he was back. She let him through without an appointment this time; she wasn’t having as many people coming in nowadays anyways. She told him she looked in much better shape and he told her he wished he could say about her. She caught up with his life, they laughed, she almost cried. She told him she had always known that she had known why he had come in and he said he knew she had. Time flew as they chatted up like two old friends and before she knew it was time for him to go. Almost thankfully he uttered no thank you and went off just as he had come in the first time.

Her life slowly began to fall to pieces. She tried to distance her professional life from her personal one taking in lesser patients but she couldn’t stop doing in altogether. There lay a gap in what she wanted to do and what she had to do to and her life slowly and slowly fell right through it. She went through a phase of depression where when she was actually asked to stop practicing altogether. She somehow continued with her life and ear passed by. She did surprise herself when she found there was a part of her that was waiting for him on New Year’s Eve. However he didn’t show up as was the routine for the past two years and the next year after that. Meanwhile gradually there was a space building up in her married life which was finally split wide apart by an ugly divorce. She moved out to her parent’s place for a while continuing her practice from there. However soon she felt even more of a failure matching up to life’s lofty standards and she moved back to her old house.

She started practicing again and slowly and slowly her patients began to roll in. But with that rolled back the grief and slowly permeated her life again. She never had many friends to speak of and after her parent’s death in a car accident she got very lonely. She started drinking and court even limited her visits with her daughter to a bare minimum on the account of her manic depression and drinking problems. One day she sat back in her room and realized that she didn’t find life worth living anymore. Loneliness had become her only friend and her worst enemy. She didn’t have a cause worth dying for but then she didn’t have one worth living for either. She sat back in her favorite chair bottle of pills in hand wondering if there was a lonelier person on the place of this earth. Just as she was about to pop the pills into her mouth she was kinda startled by a knock on the door.

Happy New Year, I hope I am not late.
You are early for the former and late for the latter

And they chatted up like old friends again. The equations might have changed but there weren’t supposed to be any in friendship were there?

Friday, July 14, 2006

Holy Matrimony !!!

What's going on with the world. It's as if the universe is conspiring to take all the happy single people around me and bind them into pairs of bickering couples for life. Its amazing how many people I have known in the recent past are suddenly getting hitched. A lot of my friends from high school who I have caught up with recently have been happily married for a while, a few from college have suspiciously changed their statuses on their online profiles without bothering to inform me of the news until they are prodded to cough up the dough and last but not the least I discovered number of friends from grad school are getting on this bandwagon too. All
this time while I have hit with a rush of these developments all I seem to be asking these people first up is what's the big rush? (of course I follow it up with a sheepish congratulatory message later). All those people you do realize that there's no more unlimited cricket weekends for you, forget about golf, no beer pong nights, your mom and dad's numbers will be demoted from speed dial #1, a violent end shall befall your 'Frank the Tank' days, your prime time TV watching will switch from Monday night football Chappelle's Show and South park to Desperate Housewives and Lost etc etc. So its time you re evaluate all this in the light of the above and think whether all of it is worth it for that Bachelor's party. I know I am not painting a pretty picture but no one said it would be one :).

I knew a lot of them are goaded into holy matrimony by insistent parents but I think all those moms and dads get into the act only by a hidden desire to play God looking at all those tones of profiles of suitable boys and girls before they pick one out of a surrogate swayamvar. And yes those 'desire to play God' genes do manifest in you all too when you drive deliberately at 5 above at 70 in a 65 zone just because you feel like it. So anyways all this talk of my friends getting hitched somehow made its way to my Dad's ears and what followed was this conversation I had been dreading.

Dad: Don't you think you should get settled now
Me: Oh cmon Dad not you
Dad: But no seriously you think I should start looking unless you have
other plans.
Me: Oh camaaaaan I cant believe we are having this conversation, I am good for another 3 yrs plzzz.
Dad: Ok ok we will talk abt it when you come to India
Me: I am sooo not looking fwd to that conversation.

Et tu Dad I thought you guys were COOL, however 6 months (abt the time when I shall be flying to Delhi) is a loooong enough time for anyone to forget a phone conversation right?

Monday, July 10, 2006

Butted out

The curtain came down yesterday on one of the biggest and keenly followed sporting spectacles in the world, the Football World Cup 2006. Even though the best team might not have won, for that matter they didn't even finish up as runners up and even though the best player of the cup didn't even get his Golden ball award (not publically anyways) I must say that it was worth and hype and lived up to its star billing. It was a cup that marked a general shift in the style of play with the focus shifting and substance ruling over style. May be that is one of the reasons why there aren't too many spectacular goals that spring to mind save Maxi Rodriguez's wonder strike when recalling the play from the last one month and also the reason why the best 2 TEAMS and not the 2 teams with the best players fought it out in the final. The cup made news in the first half only due to some atrocious officiating often pitifully being the cause of the final results while on the other hand a lot of big names failed to live up to their star billing including Ronaldinho, Rooney, Messi, Owen and Ballack. A lot on insta villains were created like Christiano Ronaldo, Rooney and but of course he biggest name of them all Zizou. What Materazzi said to Zidane will go down as one the hotly debated media questions in the days to come till one of the involved parties breaks their silence on the matter but possible contenders for answers might be a certain bald spot and a certain Veronique :). Whatever might be the answer it has taken some sheen off Italy's win as Ronaldo's mystery stroke did after the 1998 final. Also nothing quite justifies ZIdane's actions on the field because that kind of chatter has always been part of soccer tradition and reacting in the fashion that he did doesn't befit one of the legends of the game especially considering what was at stake for his team. I have a weird feeling the much televised 'French Butt' will go on to become on the favored weapons of choice in bar brawls for years to come :).

Thursday, July 06, 2006

And I wonder........

Death is one of the most over bearing, over powering and long lasting emotions known to the human mind. I have personally never been a big proponent of it and neither have I ever spent unearthly hours discussing the whole philosophical side to it. There have been times that I have stared at it in the eye often managing to blink and walk away. I don’t mind that though, all I hate is to be seated on any ride with it as my co passenger. The more I think about it the more depressing the emotion seems to be to me and its not because I fear it, its simply a realization that I am very ill equipped to deal with the whole concept of it. There fore I come across days when the whole event even though totally unrelated depresses me to unusually low ebb. What is it about death that permeates boundaries of nations and blood lines unnoticed and unannounced till it drives a cold dagger across our hearts. Is that why they call it the final truth of life laced in all its glorious inevitability?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Tag tag such a drag

I am thinking about..
why the hell such tags still float around continuing to torment bloggers
I said...
On jinguchakka's blog that I hate tags in general but this one was a particularly horrid one.
I want to...
meet someone in real life like Julie Delpy's character in 'Before Sunrise'
I wish...
I could go back to writing blogs about issues that I feel writing about
I miss...
New Delhi
I hear...
people out .... on most occasions anyways
I wonder...
how, I wonder why yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky ..........
I regret...
nothing. Well I do regret not buying that "no regrets' Nike T shirt I sooo liked
I am...
What I am
I dance...
the chicken well
I sing...
very often and along with most songs, a sampler might be dropped off here on popular demand :)
I cry...
almost, every time I hear Rehman hum 'Ye jo des hai tera'
I am not always...
easily pleased by other people's cooking efforts
I write...
in Hindi at times just to see if I still remember to
I confuse...
people to buy time in the middle of an argument
I need...
a cheap Newark-New Delhi ticket for mid Dec
I should try...
I finish...
This tag FINALLY hoping not to be doing any in the near future