Last week I was walking back from my nearby supermarket fresh with my new lot of groceries. Now this store even though at a walking distance from my place is still that wee bit far for people without a car like yours truly. So you have put up all your stuff in a cart (which incidentally squeak like crazy all the way back) and drag it all the way back. Since I live on the 1st floor (make that 2nd floor for all people living in the states) I had to drag all those gazillion packets home and was kinda overwhelmed (I have officially mastered the literary tool of understatement u see) by the amount of stuff I had to carry home. As I was looking around for help my eyes caught this broad shouldered guy walking towards me. Now I agree I don’t really qualify as an attractive no blond, blue eyed Baywatch babe but my 6’1 athletic frame and strapping built (people who do know me personally are expected to play along on the latter) I don’t really qualify for Mr. Invisible either. So I was kind pissed when this guy walked through me while I was struggling to hold on the set of groceries without falling over. Anyways right after that this, a female also walked past flashing me a smile (hey this part isn’t for added effect) and I somehow made it back home. So as I crashed onto my couch I started wondering as to why I felt pissed at that guy I didn’t even know and didn’t feel a thing against the female I crossed paths with later. I realized that it was because I wasn’t expected to get help from that quarter anyways as it was part of my upbringing where the guys are supposed to play the accommodating gentleman and be on your toes to help a damsel in distress while not expecting any similar return treatment. I flash-backed to all the times when I as a guy was expected to do things like vacating a seat up on the DTC buses back in Delhi, pull out seats while on dates, run across to the other side of the car and get the door for them while they got their make up fixed up in the mirror, hold up doors for them at almost all public places etc. While these things are perfectly acceptable and from part of the chivalry brigade that every decent guy is expected to exhibit I somehow couldn’t help thinking that in their small little ways wilt that equality plank that all women so seek back in direction of the guys because guys don’t expect return favors on the small lil things mentioned above. Wait stay with me on this without branding me a cheap, uncompassionate creep as I extend this theory to a few other common domains. Ever wondered why guys are always expected to be the ones to ask the females out on dates, approach them at bars while they wait on their own favorite stool and why guys are expected to be the ones to propose marriage or even courtship to females. Don’t you think that by allowing the guys such liberties the females let the guys take control of their lives and they wait in their mundane worlds for some protagonists or catalysts in the form of some Prince Charming to come along? Do u think if we do away with these seemingly commonplace things then females would gain better charge of their lives and lead to a society where man and woman walk together as equals without seeking out any special privelages?
This is the third of my posts trying to delve into the female psyche the first two being When Harry met Sally and Men are from Mars women from anywhere else. If you think there’s even an iota of truth in what I have mentioned above or if you think I am a crazy loony with too much time on my hands who took the 2+2's of life and made it 4 (doesnt work that ways does it) I would love to hear from you, do drop me a comment.
13 comments:
More than anything I agree with ur observation ".... guys are always expected to be the ones to ask the females out on dates, approach them at bars while.."
I have been reflecting on the same lines for sometime. Will either post or discuss further later .....
Here is another paradox (particular case from India)....at one end they say its women's liberation...women should have equal rights....but then these are the same people trying to pass an ordinance to get 33% reservation for women in Parliament. I can never understand this.....
hmmm...first of all men always complian about having to do the asking out themselves, but then ive noticed that when a girl does take the initiative and asks a guy out, despite saying yes, the guy is dissatisfied because it was too easy...
men like to be in control, and they like to feel that power, the power to ask out, to propose, to open the door, and to help a helpless girl carry her (not so heavy) load!
so go ahead and complain...ur probably the exeption, but seriously, talking only about us desi's, the men will have it no other way.
@Pointy I wud ove to open up a full fledged discussion on this since this article doesnt seem to have caught too many ppl's fancy judging by the number of comments :)
@Khizzy Do u think its really worth handing in the reins of ur life to guys just so that they dont think u were too easy to appease. I along with most friends of mine that make up a reasonably sensible lot of ppl (desis and otherwise) can vouch for the fact that being in control is not really something they seek in a relationship. Its only the females who like to feel kinda warm, protected and cozy when guys do all those lil things i mentioned.
Rohan can you give me a link to the video of Warne's magic delivery to Strauss
common u must b kidding, the chivalrous guys r an extinct species, infact i wud b happy if the guy in front of me doesnt bang the door on my nose n believe me I've experienced it way too many times.
I can count on my hand the number of men who have held the door open for me n also pulled the chair out
but car doors never (except a paid chauffeur) but i'm not complaining.
Have to agrre with Swathi.
Chivalrous men are an increasingly diminishing species..!
Remember one incident when I was seated with '2 knights in shining armors' (read umbrellas) in an auto rickshaw on a rainy day trying to get to this restaurant for a team party. When the rick stopped outside the restaurant, these dudes jumped out from either side of the rick and I was left behind with no umbrella and having to pay the fare..
:)
well if guys are expected to be chivalrous it is the girl who is giving him a ego boost by letting him feel in charge, altho I agree with the others in that chivalrous guys are harder to come by these days. You don't really need to make the first move or take the first step if you don't want to...
"warm, protected and cozy "_didnt they have teddy bears for that purpose, khair, was just stating observations.
warna i wouldnt mind having the liberty to ask out one or two ive had my eye on.lol!
i suppose its just not the done thing..and until its looked upon more acceptably, things wont change!
wat to do!
Been there..done that.. i have been chivalrous and all..but i guess the trick is you don't go running around saying that you have been chivalrous :p ..taking control of lives? Who said men are in control of lives?? Women are much more subtle in controlling men and the sad thing is they trick men into believing it is the men who are controlling. Little do we know/realize the work of a master crafter.
I would first like to clarify that my post was not meant to open up a debate on whether or not chivalry is dead in todays world even though most of the females commenting here dont seem to have enjoyed much of it recently. My point was whether all those things perceived as chivalry or guy things end of making the females weaker in some way and less in charge of their own life. If this point didnt come across that strongly the first time around do read thru once again so that I get pertinent answers to questions I raised in the first place.
@Swathi I hate to break ur heart but u have been living around the wrong set of guys :)
@rt U can thank ur lucky stars that there wasnt a stray pigeon around to leave his mark on ur head although I have to admit that wud have been the perfect ending to that horrid incident. My symapthies lie with u totally though :)
@m U make some very intersting and valid observations there
@khizzy All i would like to say on that is "Be the change you want to see in the world."--Mahatma Gandhi
@totti Amen to ur observations man
Honestly I think this is one of those gender issues again. Call me conservative, traditional, backward, I still think there are things that guys do well and there are things women do well. And it all goes to the end of making one feel good and happy. So if a guy can be chivalrous and boost his male ego, while the girl who's at the receiving end of the chivalry enjoys the attention and feels happy and desirable, then what is wrong with that? I still adore being wined and dined and showered with attention and "chivalry" and that in no way makes me feel any less competent or useful or make me feel less in charge of my life. I enjoy my feminity and love it when a guy does what he was intended to do in the first place- be a man.
(sorry for such a long comment but had to get it out)
interesting post, very interesting responses..
:)
@m That was very well put, pretty much on the lines of wat I thought abt the whole issue. I shall however let u have the last word on the issue as that wud be the right and chivalrous thing to do :)
@thetis Thnx the comments add an altogether new dimension to the post and that is why u need to keep visiting
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